The New Zealand Adoption reform pioneer, Keith Griffiths MBE, once described adoption as a "legal fiction". This same terminology has been used by other New Zealand adoption writers and advocates, such as Dr Anne Else (author of the remarkable work A Question of Adoption). In a 1995 Australian Feminist Law Journal article Dr Else said: "it is difficult, from today's vantage point, to appreciate what a radical invention legal adoption was. Certainly the practice of arranging for a child to be brought up outside its immediate birth family was far from new, particularly where illegitimate children were concerned. But the original relationships had remained unalterable in law. Legal adoption meant that for the first time, it became possible to set aside birth status and the ties of bio-social kinship, and replace them with an officially sanctioned 'legal fiction' of conferred family relationships, even where no family relationship of any kind had previously existed."
As the meme highlights, removing or changing a name (or any other detail) may create a legal fiction but it can never change the fact of who we are (genetically) or where we come from.
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The Emmy-award winning HBO series Six Feet Under didn't have too much to say about adoption, but it had a lot to say about death and loss. In Season One, one of the main characters was reflecting on the death of a child and this was what they said: While it not a quote that speaks to adoption per se, we feel that it speaks to the loss of any child. When a parent loses a child through death, there are no words to describe who the parent becomes...and the same goes for a parent who loses a child through adoption. The loss of connection between any parent and child is too awful for words.
Earlier this month we both participated in some PhD research for a project considering the impacts being adopted people had on our own parenting styles and relationships with our children. At one point in Lance's interview the researcher said: "So actually, being adopted has woven itself through your children in innumerable ways." To which Lance replied," I look at it like tentacles, it’s like these evil tendrils that just pollute…. and it’s just horrible really. And it’s hard to have the conversations with people who don’t understand it and who don’t get it." This meme was created in response to that moment.
Most of the memes are our original work (if they are not the author/source is attributed). This is, obviously, an original one - which some will identify with, and some will not. In many ways it speaks of my journey.
This meme was created after some fairly heated engagement in some of the closed Facebook Adoption support groups around what adoption looks like. In reality there is no one type of adoption...there are a myriad of views and approaches. The original debate raged around a meme that we created relating to the notion that "Jesus was adopted too." Some, in the adoption community, railed against the meme because of the religious connections, whereas others became angry because "Jesus still had connection with his birth mother," which is totally true. But, the term adoption is not limited to those of us who were adopted through the closed stranger adoption practices of the 1940s, 50s, 60s and 70s. Open adoptions are adoptions too, and people who are adopted through this approach potentially remain connected to their birth family (I say potentially because this doesn't always happen). Children born through surrogacy need to be adopted as well (at least they do in NZ) and this can mean that one of their biological parents needs to adopt them from the surrogate mother. Adoption has many faces and many challenges. Maybe we, in the adoption community, ought to take a leaf out of the LGBTIA+ book and be more inclusive of the experience of others. Just saying.
See below for the original commentary that went with this meme on our Facebook page: As adopted people we have all, at one time or another, battled with some of the residual issues of adoption. For some that battle is very small, or relatively painless - maybe they feel that they had a good adoption and have chosen not to explore that part of their life any further. For others, the battle is much harder and can be a life-long process. The journey is unique for each of us. But when we battle with the emotions that arise it is important to do so in creative and supported ways, to try and find help (if we can). There aren't too many adoption-competent counsellors available, but Jo Willis is one who springs to mind. If we don't get some form of help, then those internal struggles can burst out, and can often be aimed at others. Lashing out is such a B.S. thing to do. Facing our pain, engaging with it, grappling with it, exploring it - is hard - is excruciating at times, but is ultimately a much healthier and adult response. As we have often said, "we did not choose to be adopted, but we can choose how to live with it as adults."
While there are fewer adoptions today than during the "baby scoop" era, adoption is big business today. Part of the reason for this, as one website notes, is due to the fact that "there are not enough children to go around." www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/would-be-parents-left-in-limbo-as-adoption-numbers-drop/LYG2MNSDC3Z54Q22QJIGAMFVBM/ As a result of the small numbers of domestic children available for adoption, as compared with the "baby scoop" era, most would-be adopters have to source children from overseas. The average cost of an inter-country adoption in New Zealand today ranges from $10,000 to $30,000.
Here are two examples of websites in New Zealand giving indicative costs to prospective adopting parents: www.cfo.org.nz/cost-to-adopt and adoptionfirststeps.org.nz/costs/. Given the shortage of babies available for adoption, some are turning to surrogacy as a way of building their family. However, the costs are even higher. As one 2011 articles suggests, the costs for these "rent-a-womb" babies (as they are called) can go as high as $100,000 www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/5477716/Rent-a-womb-babies-could-end-up-stateless. The idea of buying another human being is repugnant to most, and a criminal offence in the majority of countries of the world. If, though, you are paying fees for adoption or surrogacy it is treated differently. It is hard to see why or how it is different. It is just another example of the commoditisation of children that can occur through adoption or surrogacy. This quote is from the work of an amazing New Zealand adoption advocate and reformer, Keith Griffiths. An adopted person himself, Keith's adult life and advocacy work was heavily informed by his Christian faith and his own adoptive experience. The following 2011 obituary told part of Keith's amazing story: Adoptee spurred battle for law reform to enable access to birth information by Tim Donoghue, Jan 29 2011 Keith Clifton Griffith b Wellington 20 October 1930; m Helen Mary Gardner; d Wellington 12 January 2011, aged 80. When Keith Griffith was born in a small private hospital in Wellington's Abel Smith St a prophetic struggle began. His 18-year-old birth mother, Marie Helen Austin, who came from Nelson, repeatedly pleaded to be allowed to see her newborn son. Nursing staff responded to her pleas by placing a pillow over her face to stifle her cries, to make sure she never saw her adoption-bound son. Mr Griffith's political, legal and social struggle for adoption reform became much more than a personal crusade. He embarked on a determined search to find his birth parents and to make it possible for all adopted people to legally discover their origins. He became a key member of the team which brought about dramatic reform of adoption law in New Zealand via the enactment of the-then New Lynn MP Jonathan Hunt's Adult Adoption Information Act 1985. The legislation freed up information relating to adult adoptees and their birth parents. When Mr Griffith was finally reunited with his birth mother in 1976 she told him how she managed to grab hold of one of his feet at the birth and would not let go. "At the very moment of my birth I was thrust into the world of adoption turmoil, trauma and denial of basic human rights," Mr Griffith recalled in his memoirs. His loud infant protests were in a sense a prophetic utterance of the mission he would take up later in life. Towards the end of her pregnancy Miss Austin travelled across Cook Strait to Wellington to have the baby. She stayed with advertising man Woodley Prowse and his wife in Wellington. This proved to be a godsend for the newborn baby because Mr Prowse was an innovative man employed by the Ilot Advertising Agency. On October 22, 1930, about the time Mr Griffith had been transferred to Truby King's Karitane Hospital in Melrose as a baby awaiting adoption Mr Prowse inserted an advertisement in the miscellaneous columns of the Evening Post under the simple heading "Adoption". Normally, adoption ads were inserted in the personal columns but, with hundreds of babies up for adoption at the height of the Depression, Mr Prowse decided it would make more sense to place the baby ad in a section where umbrellas and light shades were also up for sale. "Adoption. Wanted, good home for beautiful baby boy, few days old clothing supplied," the ad read. Mr Prowse's innovative advertising technique worked and 15 replies were received. Horowhenua farmer Joe Griffith, who was wounded at Gallipoli during World War I, and his wife, Myrtle, were the chosen ones. Mr and Mrs Griffith knew they would never be able to have children of their own so when they saw Woodley Prowse's shrewdly placed ad Myrtle Griffith visited the Karitane Hospital and resolved to adopt the baby. As a young boy growing up on a Horowhenua dairy farm Mr Griffith and his sister, Una, were well loved and looked after. They had a great childhood at home on the family farm while attending Levin Primary School and Horowhenua College. While at primary school Mr Griffith began making inquiries. He asked his mother, "Where did you get me from?" "Out of a newspaper," she replied. He listened to this answer in shocked silence. "All I could think of was fish and chips wrapped in newspaper. I eventually asked Jack, the fish and chip man whether he knew anything about babies left wrapped in newspaper. "He was shocked and said 'That would be horrible.' I said 'I don't feel horrible'. He did not have a clue what I was on about." Mr Griffith let the matter rest for two years before querying his mother once again. "Where did you find me wrapped in that newspaper? She replied, 'Oh no. We got you out of the newspaper but you were not wrapped in it. You were advertised in it'." At the age of 15 Mr Griffith made his first attempt to obtain his "real" birth certificate from officials in Levin. He was unsuccessful because the law said he was not allowed to see it. This episode fuelled his desire to change the law. After leaving school he became a broadcasting electronics technician in 1949 and spent time in Napier and Wellington. He moved to Melbourne in 1952 and spent four years there working first as an aircraft electronics technician then as a technician for the Peter MacCallum Cancer Institute. While in Melbourne he became a Christian and began helping street people. This led to him training to become a Methodist minister at Trinity College in Auckland. Taihape was his first appointment to a parish where twin sons Andrew and Timothy were born. He and his wife, Helen, worked also in parishes at New Plymouth, where their third son, David, was born, Miramar, Karori, and Hastings. In middle age he began the search for his birth parents in earnest. He found his birth mother living in New Plymouth and his birth father, Ian Keith Mackay, ironically, living in the same Karori street as himself. In 1988 Mr Griffith was awarded an MBE for services to adoption research, publications and formation of adoption support networks. Sources Helen Griffith, David Griffith. To access some of Keith's adoption materials check here: adoptionnz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Adopted-Person-Resource-2000-2.pdf This beautiful quote comes from "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton. The author is an adopted person and speaks from the heart. We love her clear and thoughtful writing.
1n 1986 Silverstein and Kaplan presented the "Seven Core Issues in Adoption." This was their overview of some of the critical impacts of the adoptive experience. Grief was one of the issues that they identified among their seven. Unless grief is acknowledged it will find a voice, and that voice often come across as angry. Notice we are not saying "unless grief is resolved" or "unless you find closure"...because both can be damn near impossible to achieve. Grief does not need to be resolved per se, but it does need to be recognised for what it is...and worked on in some way. Otherwise it will burst out when we least expect it and cause more damage than we can know.
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Adoptee AwarenessSome thoughtful memes developed for Adoptee Awareness month. ArchivesCategories |