"We've whitewashed stranger adoption for so long we've blanched the emotion from it. We're told over and over that there is no greater love than to sacrifice your child for the greater good" Barbara Sumner, Tree of Strangers, p87. Listen Here: play.acast.com/s/two-lucky-bds/s1e10abraham-isaacwentupahill Released on May 30th, 2021 (run time 52m 07s) this episode focuses specifically of two key issues: the rights of adopted persons and the potential of restorative justice practices to enhance wellbeing for those involved in the adoptive experience. Rights of Adopted Persons The episode opened with a discussion of the rights of adopted persons. In Tree of Strangers Barbara Sumner details how she felt following the reunion with one of her biological grandparents, and they discussed the death of her biological mother. Barbara noted that she felt that "she did not belong to me in any way. I was an interloper. To know my mother was not a right. It was a favour", p85. This experience is mirrored by many adopted persons as they seek to reconnect with the family that they have lost. However, while finding birth parents can be problematic for adopted persons, and while reunions can be fraught and difficult, reunion is something that many people who have been been donor-conceived will never achieve, as is outlined in this recent article: www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/opinion/125225832/gaping-holes-in-law-covering-info-for-donorconceived-people#:~:text=Sperm%20floating%20to%20the%20ovule.&text=The%20HART%20law%20mandated%20that,access%20once%20they%20turned%2018. The authors of this poignant article note that, while advisory committees have been created to discuss the issues surrounding donor-conception, to date none of these committees have sought input from any donor-conceived people. In many ways this is similar to successive considerations of adoption legislation which often fails to consider the voice of adopted persons. Also in the news during the week was an article about calls in the United Kingdom for an apology into forced adoption practices during the baby scoop era. Forced adoptions in the UK have been described, by many impacted by the practice, as "state sanctioned abuse". www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/27/uk-forced-adoption-state-sanctioned-abuse-unmarried-mothers In response to calls for some form of action or response to this, the UK Government has agreed to investigate forced adoption practices www.bbc.com/news/uk-57274323 While an apology was made by the Federal Government in Australia on 21 March, 2013 an inquiry is currently underway there into forced adoptions and the impact that this has had on those involved. Barbara recently spoke about this in an interview on Radio New Zealand. www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/lately/audio/2018796091/hopes-aust-forced-adoption-inquiry-could-influence-nz-lawmakers Following the 2013 apology, some resources were made available to people impacted by forced adoptions in Australia, but many feel that this does not go far enough to address the issues. A full copy of the 2013 apology, along with information about the current inquiry and links to the resources for those impacted by forced adoptions in Australia can be found here: www.dss.gov.au/our-responsibilities/families-and-children/programs-services/forced-adoption-practices To date, despite repeated calls for similar investigations to occur in New Zealand, successive New Zealand Governments have made no attempts to consider the issue. Restorative Justice Following on from this discussion Sande explored the story of Abraham and Isaac, as referenced by Barbara in her book. The story of Abraham and Isaac (which is found in Genesis 22:1-19) is complex and nuanced. www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2022%3A1-19&version=NRSV Like all stories in the Christian scriptures, this is a story that should not be read literally, but rather in context. In exploring the story Sande references some thinking that the late Lord Jonathan Sacks has done on the passage. His thoughts can be found here rabbisacks.org/vayera-5771-the-binding-of-isaac-a-new-interpretation/ Needless to say the story has multiple layers of meaning. Often it is a passage that is used to reinforce the narrative of willing sacrifice, a narrative that was carefully (and cruelly) woven through adoptive practices around the world - suggesting that sacrificing (or giving up a child) was the greatest gift that a mother could make. Sande then explored the potential of applying restorative justice practices to the adoptive story. While the restorative justice process falls within a typically legal framework, Sande asked us to consider how this might be applied to the experience of exploring the impact of the adoptive experience. This will be the focus of a future episode. You can learn more about the use of restorative justice within a legal framework here: www.justice.govt.nz/courts/criminal/charged-with-a-crime/how-restorative-justice-works/ Auckland Writers Festival 2021 Mention was also made of Barbara's presentation at the 2021 Auckland Writers Festival. Her powerful talk can be seen here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UruFej2HZuA
You Might want to Check these podcasts out:
As part of this episode we also highlight another amazing podcasts from our friends at That's Not Canon productions. If you are interested in having a listen you can find it here: The Floof and Pupper Podcast (a podcast about all things doggy) thatsnotcanon.com/floofandpupper If you liked it then feel free to share with your friends.
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"When you grow up in a vacuum without transparency or truth, fabrication is your only refuge. As a child, I invented stories about my mother. She was famous, of course, a musician, a painter, a scientist. She was every passing thing thing I ever wanted to be" - Barbara Sumner, Tree of Strangers, p79. Listen Here: play.acast.com/s/two-lucky-bds/s1e9fantasy-imagination-theadoptivemind Released in the week following Mother's Day, Lance and Sande start Episode 9, released on May 15th, 2021 (run time 51m 32s) by talking about the impact of Mother's Day those who are part of the adoptive journey. Note: We found this helpful article for those who find Mother's Day hard lavenderluz.com/how-to-survive-mothers-day/ In this episode Sande and Lance continue their journey through the book Tree of Strangers by New Zealand author Barbara Sumner. In reality listeners don't need to have read the book to enjoy the podcast, as we use it as a springboard for ideas and themes raised in each chapter. Initially Sande and Lance talk about what it means to be agnostic, which is the way Barbara describes herself, and Sande refers to an Anglican Bishop who considers himself an agnostic. To read more about his views check out this news article: www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/im-no-wishy-washy-non-believer/5HOQE4JCBC63HUBIVRXER4ILTE/ or this useful explanation: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secular-life/201906/what-does-agnostic-mean The conversation the turned to the role and place of fantasy and use of imagination for the adopted. Barbara asks the question, in her book, "does adoption cause a vivid imagination? Filling the gap between the know and unknown with fantasy" (p78). One piece of research that we found that speaks into this in some way can be accessed here. While it is not a definitive exploration of the subject, there are some helpful and thought provoking ideas to be considered. esource.dbs.ie/bitstream/handle/10788/1350/ba_alvey_r_2013.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y This leads onto discussion around the impacts of not knowing where we come from, and the disconnect with our origins and the impact on genealogical connections. They consider the importance of these. Then the conversation movs to language, and the beautiful Welsh concept of hiraeth (which can be translated "half forgotten - fraction remembered"). At its heart this term describes a longing for home, or a longing for what has been lost or is missing and we consider the impact that this concept has on the adopted self, and the dismemberment that occurs through adoption. Here is a poem that tries to describe what this term means: people.engr.tamu.edu/davis/Poetry/hiraeth.html Sande then makes connections between this concept and the Jungian understandings of the mother-child relationship (as explained in this quote form Jung: This then leads on to the controversial topic of the rehoming of adopted persons. This issue was recently highlighted after an American vlogger opted to rehouse the child they adopted from China because of his special needs www.thecut.com/2020/08/youtube-myka-james-stauffer-huxley-adoption.html
The episode concludes with discussion around a poignant painting by José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior entitled Saudade, painted in 1899 summerswildling.com/saudade-by-almeida-junior/ which Barbara refers to in her book. The word Saudade is described as a longing – a profound melancholy – for what was. But it goes deeper than that: Its a “love that remains” after someone is gone; an emptiness for the buried knowledge that the object of longing – a family member, a homeland, an unborn baby, a lost lover – will never return. It is a powerful word and what a powerful painting, which speaks to the very heart of the adoptive experience. The painting could very easily be of any birth mother as she contemplates the reality of relinquishing a child. The explanation of the word saudade can instantly bring up very strong emotions for those who were adopted – we inherently know exactly what saudade means. It is the hurt inside that we don’t speak about for fear of breaking down. It’s a crack that sits right in the heart of your body. A pain that won’t leave but so ingrained as a part of who you are that you would never want it to leave, even if you could wish it away. A poignant and haunting image of the adoptive reality. Sande contemplates the reality that, for many adopted people, we feel trapped in this place of loss, and considers what it might be if we were able to move beyond it. This leads on to a comparison of the adoptive experience and the concept of complicated grief. The episode concludes with consideration of the impact of adoption when adoptions occur cross-culturally, and some work being done in Aotearoa/New Zealand to explore the impact of this: thespinoff.co.nz/atea/atea-otago/18-03-2021/finding-whakapapa-the-generational-trauma-of-closed-maori-adoptions/ You Might want to Check these podcasts out: As part of this episode we also highlight two other amazing podcasts from friends we know. If you are interested in having a listen you can find them here: Castology (a podcast that reviews great podcasts) thatsnotcanon.com/castology The Bros & Brews Podcast play.acast.com/s/the-bros-n-brews-podcast. If you are interested, check them out and share with your friends. The amazing Zane C Weber (Podfather & Castologist) who is the genius behind our podcast hosting platform, That's Not Canon Productions thatsnotcanon.com/ and cohost of the outrageously funny and entertaining podcast Castology thatsnotcanon.com/castology has worked his magic once again and updated our cover art. What do you think?
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