"When you grow up in a vacuum without transparency or truth, fabrication is your only refuge. As a child, I invented stories about my mother. She was famous, of course, a musician, a painter, a scientist. She was every passing thing thing I ever wanted to be" - Barbara Sumner, Tree of Strangers, p79. Listen Here: play.acast.com/s/two-lucky-bds/s1e9fantasy-imagination-theadoptivemind Released in the week following Mother's Day, Lance and Sande start Episode 9, released on May 15th, 2021 (run time 51m 32s) by talking about the impact of Mother's Day those who are part of the adoptive journey. Note: We found this helpful article for those who find Mother's Day hard lavenderluz.com/how-to-survive-mothers-day/ In this episode Sande and Lance continue their journey through the book Tree of Strangers by New Zealand author Barbara Sumner. In reality listeners don't need to have read the book to enjoy the podcast, as we use it as a springboard for ideas and themes raised in each chapter. Initially Sande and Lance talk about what it means to be agnostic, which is the way Barbara describes herself, and Sande refers to an Anglican Bishop who considers himself an agnostic. To read more about his views check out this news article: www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/im-no-wishy-washy-non-believer/5HOQE4JCBC63HUBIVRXER4ILTE/ or this useful explanation: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-secular-life/201906/what-does-agnostic-mean The conversation the turned to the role and place of fantasy and use of imagination for the adopted. Barbara asks the question, in her book, "does adoption cause a vivid imagination? Filling the gap between the know and unknown with fantasy" (p78). One piece of research that we found that speaks into this in some way can be accessed here. While it is not a definitive exploration of the subject, there are some helpful and thought provoking ideas to be considered. esource.dbs.ie/bitstream/handle/10788/1350/ba_alvey_r_2013.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y This leads onto discussion around the impacts of not knowing where we come from, and the disconnect with our origins and the impact on genealogical connections. They consider the importance of these. Then the conversation movs to language, and the beautiful Welsh concept of hiraeth (which can be translated "half forgotten - fraction remembered"). At its heart this term describes a longing for home, or a longing for what has been lost or is missing and we consider the impact that this concept has on the adopted self, and the dismemberment that occurs through adoption. Here is a poem that tries to describe what this term means: people.engr.tamu.edu/davis/Poetry/hiraeth.html Sande then makes connections between this concept and the Jungian understandings of the mother-child relationship (as explained in this quote form Jung: This then leads on to the controversial topic of the rehoming of adopted persons. This issue was recently highlighted after an American vlogger opted to rehouse the child they adopted from China because of his special needs www.thecut.com/2020/08/youtube-myka-james-stauffer-huxley-adoption.html
The episode concludes with discussion around a poignant painting by José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior entitled Saudade, painted in 1899 summerswildling.com/saudade-by-almeida-junior/ which Barbara refers to in her book. The word Saudade is described as a longing – a profound melancholy – for what was. But it goes deeper than that: Its a “love that remains” after someone is gone; an emptiness for the buried knowledge that the object of longing – a family member, a homeland, an unborn baby, a lost lover – will never return. It is a powerful word and what a powerful painting, which speaks to the very heart of the adoptive experience. The painting could very easily be of any birth mother as she contemplates the reality of relinquishing a child. The explanation of the word saudade can instantly bring up very strong emotions for those who were adopted – we inherently know exactly what saudade means. It is the hurt inside that we don’t speak about for fear of breaking down. It’s a crack that sits right in the heart of your body. A pain that won’t leave but so ingrained as a part of who you are that you would never want it to leave, even if you could wish it away. A poignant and haunting image of the adoptive reality. Sande contemplates the reality that, for many adopted people, we feel trapped in this place of loss, and considers what it might be if we were able to move beyond it. This leads on to a comparison of the adoptive experience and the concept of complicated grief. The episode concludes with consideration of the impact of adoption when adoptions occur cross-culturally, and some work being done in Aotearoa/New Zealand to explore the impact of this: thespinoff.co.nz/atea/atea-otago/18-03-2021/finding-whakapapa-the-generational-trauma-of-closed-maori-adoptions/ You Might want to Check these podcasts out: As part of this episode we also highlight two other amazing podcasts from friends we know. If you are interested in having a listen you can find them here: Castology (a podcast that reviews great podcasts) thatsnotcanon.com/castology The Bros & Brews Podcast play.acast.com/s/the-bros-n-brews-podcast. If you are interested, check them out and share with your friends.
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