"I was beginning to think about adoption, what it might mean and why it made a difference" Barbara Sumner, Tree of Strangers page 36. Listen Here: play.acast.com/s/two-lucky-bds/flashbacktoanothertime Episode four of Two Lucky B*#%*@ds was released on November 27th, 2020 (run time 48.56). In this episode Sande and Lance consider some of the themes that emerged for them from the fourth chapter of Barbara Sumner's wonderful book Tree of Strangers, the pain of infertility, ways of building family, coming to terms with what it meant to be adopted (particularly for someone in the baby scoop era), and Adopted Child Syndrome. The episode (and the chapter) opens with the Glen Campbell song Dreams of the Everyday Housewife www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHaiDFzytBc - a song which, in many ways, speaks of unfulfilled dreams. In reality, for many adopting parents, adoption results from the loss of the dream of having biological children. Adoption is part of that loss. It has been said that without loss there would be no adoption. For the birth parents it is the loss of being able to raise their child (for whatever reason), for the adoptee it can be the loss of connection to their family of origin, or culture, or country of birth, and for the adopting parents it can be the loss of being able to have their own child. Lance and Sande discuss the impacts of this, and the reality that for many people (in society or in the helping professions) there is a lack of understanding about the enormity that these losses can have on those experiencing them. The discussion then turns to the impact that coming to terms with adoption can have for an adoptee. They explore this particularly in light of those adopted during the baby scoop era. They consider the lack of support that there was (at that time) for adoptees, and for all those involved in the adoption triad as each tried to make sense of their respective losses. In the second half of the episode Sande and Lance consider how things have changed today and some of the impact of on-line communities, and the resources available today (such as this podcast). Lance mentions the recently released book by Sue Brierley, Lioness www.bookdepository.com/Lioness-Sue-Brierley/9781867500711?ref=grid-view&qid=1606091429611&sr=1-3 where she tells her story as the adoptive mother of Saroo Brierley, author of A Long Way Home (which became the award winning movie Lion). All three share unique perspectives on the adoptive experience, and each has the potential to gain understanding of the experience of the other members of the adoption triad. Lance also raises the subject of Adopted Child Syndrome. While not an officially recognised diagnosis (due to the controversial nature of it) it is a way of trying to make sense of adoption and its impact. Lance mentions one author who does explore it in depth, Betty Jean Lifton, author of Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness which can be purchased here: www.amazon.com/Journey-Adopted-Self-Quest-Wholeness/dp/0465036759/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=journey+of+the+adopted&qid=1606094151&sr=8-1 The episode also tells some stories of healing, hope and heartache, which are, ultimately part of the human experience and part of the adoptive experience as well. And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
Haruki Murakami
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