"We are but a speck in the Universe. Oh, but what a lucky speck to be" Kehinde Sonola Listen Here:
https://shows.acast.com/two-lucky-bds/episodes/s1-e15-the-cosmology-of-adoption Released on August 15th 2021 (run time 47m) this episode opened with Sande and Lance reflecting on the weeks that have passed since episode 14 went live. Sande talked about the loss of Kali, her amazing Labrador companion - and they reflected on the place pets can play in healing trauma. Lance mentioned that lots has been written about the positive impact of pets. Here are two examples: A book entitled Transforming trauma : resilience and healing through our connections with animals docs.lib.purdue.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1045&context=purduepress_ebooks An article Spotlight on the psychological basis of childhood pet attachment and its implications www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6610550/ [Note: the opinions in the article and/or the book may differ from our views or yours. Read them with care and see where they sit with you]. Following on from this Sande and Lance dived into the following topics: What is Cosmology Sande dove into some discussion around the title of the chapter "A Cosmological View of Time" and what that might mean. In the purest form the study of cosmology is "is a branch of astronomy concerned with the study of the chronology of the universe." It deals with the origin stories of the universe. We then had some discussions around our own origin stories as adoptees, and even the language that we use. The Narrative & Language of Adoption This led onto some discussions around "the language of adoption," its origins and where some of the key words and phrases in the adoptive experience come from. Lance referred to an article written by a leading adoption social worker in 1979 which helped to shape the language of adoption that we use today. The article can be viewed here: spencer_the_terminology_of_adoption.pdf. Many of the terms that are used today, e.g., "birth parent" comes from the work of Spencer, who wanted to differentiate between that mother who 'relinquished the child' and the real mother. Three different forms of language have arisen over the years, with their own corresponding adoption terms: positive (or respectful) adoption language [developed largely by the adoption industry], honest adoption language [developed by those who are opposed to the adoption industry], and inclusive adoption language [developed as an alternative to the two former sets of terms]. The Importance of Our Own Myth Making After thinking about the language of adoption, Sande considered the impact of language and our own myth making. Which led onto a discussion fo the work of Sharon Blackie, Weaving the threads of our personal myths sharonblackie.net/weaving-the-threads-of-our-personal-myths/ and James Hollis (quoted in Sharon's blogpost). Sande talked about how, as adopted people, it is important to find language that we can use to describe our own reality. Another term was then introduced: linguistic reappropriation. This is where a previously negative term (or a term of derision) is turned into a word of empowerment by the group for whom it was a slur. The name of our podcast is a great example of this - taking the term "bastard" and owning it rather than being labelled by it. A useful article around the concept of linguistic reappropriation can be found here: www8.gsb.columbia.edu/cbs-directory/sites/cbs-directory/files/publications/Reappropriation%20Psych%20Science.pdf Back to Kali Which brought the conversation back to the role of pets in our lives, and the way that (for adopted people) pets can play significant roles as healers from the separation trauma that has occurred for us. Sande also spoke of the role of reflecting on the loss of her dog, and the way this reminder her of other losses in her life, including the loss of her mother. She then referenced another helpful resource from Jung and Play Rewriting your myth by Mary Alice Long www.goodtherapy.org/blog/jung-writing-personal-myth/ How we Project ourselves into the World The episode ended with some discussion about how we project ourselves into the world, and how often our adoption issues impact the way we engage with others, or how we respond to them. Sometimes we are more sensitive than we might need to be, or are more guarded, or push people away in order to "not get hurt". And yet many of these behaviours are unhelpful to us. Another link that may be helpful Following the death of Kali the Labrador Sande wrote blog entitled In Praise of Kali, which is Sande’s reflection on how Kali the Labrador’s life, disability and death has helped heal her primal wound. You can check it out here: spiritedcrone.co.nz/in-praise-of-kali/
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