So here's the thing, rejection is a major issue for many people who were adopted. I know that it is something that I battle with most days, and yet I wonder how much of the impact of this ever-present feeling is actually driven by my own insecurities? Let me explain. Two years ago I submitted a poem to the website Dear Adoption dearadoption.com/ which went like this:
Dear Adoption, you suck! You promised to make things better and yet all you do is make them worse. You made me feel worthless. You told me that I am a “complication”. You told me that I was not wanted, that I was a mistake. You have taken so much from me, and you just keep taking. You suck, and I hate you. You make me so angry, because of all that you have robbed from me. You have polluted your life. Your tentacles spread through every part of my life, strangling me. But you won’t win, because I won’t let you. You think you can control me, but you can’t. You think that you can tell me that I am worthless, and yet I am full of worth. You have robbed me of connection and love, and yet I know that I am loved by those who choose to connect with me. You stole who I was, and yet you cannot steal who I have become. I have become strong. I have become fierce. I have become more. And you cannot take that from me. Adoption you suck, but you will never define me. Because I choose hope. But here's the thing, my submission was never acknowledged. I didn't get an email saying "thanks for your submission", or even "thanks but, no thanks." Nothing. Silence. And it hit me hard. I felt those same old feelings of "not being good enough." Worse though, I felt like I had been rejected by the one group who ought to get it - others who were adopted. A year after I submitted the poem I tried again. Another year of silence. Another year of feeling totally rejected. A year of telling myself that I wasn't good enough. Then today I received an email telling me that there had been a major glitch with the email system, and how sorry they were. So, for two years I felt like a reject for no reason. Two years of pain, for no reason at all. As my poem says...Dear Adoption, you suck...because these feelings of rejection and worthlessness are just two of the gifts that you keep giving to me.
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